where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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