dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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