ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
