Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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