How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
