You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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