I think I died a long time ago.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
