I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
