I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
