your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It's Friday. Sex?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
