We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
