worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
