You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
