I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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