I wish my penis had an off switch
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
