Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
