PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
