i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
