WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
