This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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