my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
