u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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