Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
