people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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