i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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