why didn't you poke me back
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
