i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
