Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
