i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Shame - the story of my life.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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