i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
