Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
