is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
