A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
