Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
