woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
