brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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