I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
