when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
