Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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