Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
