No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
