whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i think i have two assholes
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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