I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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