No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
