we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You ruined the universe
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
