You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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