what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
