oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
