We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
