I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
