I'm jealous of your bromance
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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